


The Dark and Lonely

by EternalGalaxies



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Ghosts, King's Cross Afterlife (Harry's Hallucination/Dream World), M/M, Marauders era, Trio Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 03:53:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11245770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalGalaxies/pseuds/EternalGalaxies
Summary: Remus Lupin has suffered. He thought he found love with Sirius Black, but when Sirius is dragged to Azkaban, his opinion changes.





	The Dark and Lonely

**Author's Note:**

> I changed some things for this to work, so just kind of go with it. [There aren't any major changes]  
> Song: 'Lady Stardust' by David Bowie

 

People stared at the makeup on his face  
Laughed at his long black hair, his animal grace  
The boy in the bright blue jeans  
Jumped up on the stage  
And Lady Stardust sang his songs  
Of darkness and disgrace  
~David Bowie, Lady Stardust

When Sirius was dragged off to Azkaban, Remus built up a wall, protecting himself from the emotions that threatened to destroy him. Three hours previous to this they had been laughing, kissing, and planning a vacation. Remus had been going on too many missions, coming back with too many wounds, and Dumbledore didn't seem to care. Remus had had a suspicion Dumbledore didn't trust him, and he didn't blame him. There was a spy. But Remus never considered that Sirius, the love of his life, could be that spy.  
After Sirius was dragged off by Aurors, not protesting, Remus built up that wall, and didn't let it crumble until after everyone had left, where he stumbled back to the flat they had shared and collapsed into their bed, shaking with sobs. Peter was dead and so were James and Lily. Harry was off to live with muggles, and Remus was alone. An hour later he destroyed everything Sirius had owned, except a picture of the four marauders Sirius had charmed to remain on the wall forever. The four of them together. James, Remus, Sirius, and Peter; laughing at something. How ironic.

When he heard Sirius had escaped he maintained that wall, knowing he would need to be strong. When Dumbledore offered a teaching position, he accepted. The first time he saw thirteen year old Harry Potter, the spitting image of his father except for his eyes, he felt a wave of rage against Sirius. When he saw Peter's name on the map, a small voice in the back of his head suggested that maybe Sirius was innocent. When he learned Ron Weasley had a rat, and spent an awful lot of time with "Peter Pettigrew" on the map, he knew what Dumbledore had told him twelve years prior, that Sirius had fallen into the clutches of the dark side, was not true. When he saw Sirius in the shrieking shack, and he felt a rush of hope that somehow they could get out alive and free and Sirius would forgive him for doubting his innocence. Then he transformed and the pain erased all hopes.

When Sirius came back, and he lived in the home he had run away from decades ago, Remus came to live with him. They gradually built up their friendship, like a jigsaw puzzle with mismatched pieces, until eventually Sirius kissed Remus again, and one thing led to another until Remus was sleeping in Sirius's bed.

Then Sirius was killed at the Ministry by his own cousin, and Remus fell into a pit of grief and depression. He held it together until he got back to their bed, much like when Sirius went to Azkaban. Except Sirius was completely gone, never coming back. He didn't get up for three days, until Molly Weasley came pounding on the door and announcing guests. He pretended to love Tonks back, and formed a good friendship with her. But it wasn't really love. They had a son, and Remus was ashamed that one of his first thoughts when he saw Teddy was that he wished Sirius was here to see.

At the battle of Hogwarts, when the Death Eater muttered the killing curse, Remus's last thought was that maybe he would see Sirius Black again.

-

When he opened his eyes, he saw a train station. King's Cross, except white. There wasn't a mirror, but he could tell from looking at his clothes and feeling his hair that he looked about sixteen again. A majestic train stood before him. He climbed aboard the Hogwart's Express, a train he had grown to associate with friendship and happiness. He walked slowly towards the compartment he, Sirius, James, and that traitor Peter shared during their Hogwarts years. He slid the door open, eyes downcast, not wanting to face empty seats. All of his friends were gone. He thought that perhaps once he was dead too that the pain would disappear. Then he appeared in this strange place. Perhaps this was some sort of personal hell.  
"Thought you'd never show up, Moony." He looked up sharply. A sixteen-year old James Potter grinned back at him. Lily Potter—no, she would have been Lily Evans then—sat next to him, just a bit too close for them to be just friends. Across from them, in his own bench, sat a young Sirius Black, the same age as when he first kissed Remus. They were all smiling, and Sirius pulled him into the seat next to him. Remus started to speak, but Sirius cut him off with a kiss.  
Remus felt the train jolt to life, and then they pulled out of the station.

And he was alright, the band was altogether  
Yes he was alright, the song went on forever  
And he was awful nice  
Really quite out of sight  
~David Bowie, Lady Stardust


End file.
